Land of the Lost

Land of the Lost is a sci-fi comedy. It's a movie genre which has seen the likes of huge giants in the past including Men in Black, Short Circuit, and The Matrix Revolutions. Like its predecessors, Land of the Lost is a marvel with special effects only lacking in comparison to the groundbreaking fx genius of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. While Will Ferrell might not have the impeccable timing of Rick Moranis himself, Land could be the breakout blockbuster that sci-fi comedy fans have been craving ever since Tim Allen's Galaxy Quest broke their hearts.

Land's trailer is filled with all the necessary goodies for any Space Balls fan including, but not limited to, time and space travel, a T-Rex, rubbery lizard lads, a monkey man, and a campfire banjo tune. Even more than all of these fascinating points of interest, the creators of Land have filmed a scene that this preview reviewer hopes will become a mainstay ingredient in all sci-fi comedy flicks. The scene occurs just a few moments into the trailer. Ferrell's character is being interviewed by Matt Lauer and then all of a sudden Ferrell attacks Lauer. We watch as he cowers away most likely searching out his mommy Meredith Vereira. This scene spoke volumes to me. It's quite a moment when art imitates life.

More than Land of the Lost being just a sci-fi comedy, I believe the movie serves as a much more profound and reaffirming statement - We are not in that much of a recession! One hundred million dollars are reported to have been spent in the making. Well worth the money to chase down Lauer and beat some good sense into him, but the fact remains that this country isn't in the financial fix the media would have us to believe. So with that I say 'thank you' Land of the Lost for being brave enough to be a cultural statement and not merely a time travel bio-pic.

**SPOILER ALERT!!**

**This portion of the review is meant to prophetically ruin the ending to this movie. If you want to pay nine dollars to see Will's surgical scar on a 40 foot screen, then stop reading now**

After being chased by that testy T-Rex for nearly 2 hours, Ferrell finally figures out that the only way he can get the dino off his tail is to subside his hunger. In an intense scene with his new lizard pals, Ferrell captures the Today show flunkie and serves him up on a silver dino-platter but, as it turns out, the monster doesn't want anything to do with him either.

Preview Rating: 4 (my girl Katie Couric)
In Theaters: June 5th

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

I recommend Star Trek because it has the previously reviewed Terminator trailer and the new Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen trailer. Star Trek is also worth watching after these previews are over. From the Transformers 2 trailer we find out that Sam goes off to college where his brain downloads the Transformers' secrets, Chuck style and he starts finding Kryptonian, I mean Cybertronian script all over the planet. Apparently Starscream returns with reinforcements including a Decepticon that skates through the city Apolo Anton Ohno style and what looked like the Constructicons who merge into Devastator. Megatron is rescued from the bottom of the ocean (Why didn't they just freeze him at the North Pole again?) Optimus Prime is briefly seen fighting with glowing blades protruding from his arms.

**********************Spoiler Alert******************** Do not read this section if you do not want the preview ruined for you!

From a couple of Sam's reactions we must assume that Optimus Prime and Bumble Bee don't make it.

All of the major human characters return in the preview so fans of the Wetwicki's can now exhale. Toy collectors, you're in trouble because the Transformer cast appears to have grown significantly.

Preview Rating: PG for pretty good. Would've been G for great except for a totally unecessary, gratuitous shot of Sam's girlfriend.

In Theaters: June 24th

Terminator: Salvation

My initial impression of the preview for Terminator: Salvation was that it would be Bruce Wayne vs the Decepticons. I fully expected a cigar chomping, apocalyptic Matthew McConaughey character to show up & show Christian Bales' character how to slay the machines. Sorry ladies, that didn't happen. Instead we are treated with a few special effects heavy scenes, the coolest is with another Bat-Cycle spinning to dodge debris, and a little story line.

************** Spoiler Alert *******************
If you don't want to have the preview's plot ruined for you then skip the next sentence, which I have placed in parenthesis for your convenience. (Apparently the Decepticons, I mean Skynet, are taking live humans for something, then a humanoid Terminator shows up thinking that it is a real live person) *******************************

This Terminator like its predecessor, Arnold, becomes an ally to the humans, no spoiler there if you've seen any of the other movies. The preview, like any good preview, leaves unanswered questions like do the humans win, do the Terminators invent time travel in this movie and when does the Schwarzenator show up?

Preview Rating: PG for pretty good. I'd be early to a movie to see it again.

In Theaters: May 27th

Fantastic Four

At certain points in my life the projector will look deep in my soul and embrace my sense of exploration. My mind will jumpstart with questions that would boggle any movie buff, my feet will start to dance at the opportunity to run with my imagination, and my hands will reach for my tattered wallet that holds the $7 which awaits such a glorious movie. The Fantastic Four starring Jessica Alba and Michael Chiklis, better known for their second rate TV network crime stopper shows , is not one of those movies. This preview simply confirms the fact that Hollywood doesn’t have a clue what makes me sit up straight in my gum infested chair. The premise as far as my two minute screening mind can tell involves a bunch of astronautic types who are exposed to space goo that morphs them into some flamin’, stoned out, see through, noodley (pronounced NEW-DEL-E) vigilantes. The foursome is squared off against a seemingly quadruply powerful goo morphed coworker, who due to his less than wholesome personality as a human takes on evil traits instead of awesome hero skills. The preview moves rapidly at a seizure inducing pace, only providing momentary glimpses of the action. Solitary words describing the plot slowly flash on the screen, thus giving those dim witted enough to be interested time to read. The two minute beating ends with Stone Dude (I didn’t catch his hero label) throwing a car. Now I must admit that throwing a car is pretty neat. Hey, maybe this is going to be a great movie after all. (note: that was sarcasm). I’m sure this movie will do quite well monetarily on the heels of other mutant morphed do-gooder movies like blockbusters Spiderman and X-men, though it would probably fare better with comparisons to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Super Mario Brothers.

*******Spoiler Alert*******
This portion of the review is meant to prophetically ruin the secret ending to this movie. All of you who like watching over the top cinematic wrecks will want to stop reading now.

After a long battle with Mr. Evil (name not disclosed in preview), the Fantastic Four will save the world and realize they must remain a super team because as individuals they’re pretty lame, except for the one who turns to stone- he rocks! The Fantastic Four theme song penned by the regrouped Goo Goo Dolls will then start to play and the credits will roll. The End.

Preview Rating: 2 (minutes too long)
In Theaters: July 8th

Bewitched

Some believed it was just a trend. Some believed only the greats would be remade. Some even believed maybe it would be even better at the theater. Some hopefuls believed Hollywood hadn’t run out of ideas. Based on ‘Bewitched: The Movie’, we all should stop believing in movie magic. There’s no glitter left in Tinseltown. So set your popcorn bag down and put your Goobers in the cup holder, leave your seat in a calm, orderly manner, and go directly to the nearest library (it’s sort of like a Blockbuster for books). The lovely people inside are over sixteen years of age and they all seem to know more than the price of the Big ‘N’ Nasty sized popcorn/hotdog combo. Tell them that you just saw another preview involving a 1960s sitcom turned big screen flick. Tell them that you are in dire need of something original like those Judy Blume classics (I figure it’s best to start slow and work your way up). If they ask you what was so terrible that you would want to take up reading, tell them this…….

‘Bewitched’ starring Nicole Kidman, reviving her Oscar snubbed ‘Practical Magic’ character as the actress who plays Samantha, and the irrepressible Will Ferrell as Jack Wyatt will cast upon audiences this summer a magical spell, a sleeping spell that is. I suggest taking a well fluffed pillow for your head to lie on, a rose to rest on your bosom, and a charming prince to wake you with a kiss because this preview was a real snoozer. Columbia Pictures puts a confusing spin on the plot when Jack Wyatt, a big movie star, seeks a fresh face for the remake of a Bewitched T.V. show. Now let me explain what’s going on so you won’t have to painfully pay attention like I did. Will Ferrell, who plays Jack Wyatt (I mentioned that earlier), is an actor who plays an actor who will portray Darrin in a T.V. show by the same name as the one I am reviewing. Anyhow, after a long search for the right actress, he inadvertently bumps into the actress who plays Samantha. Darrin knows right away she is the perfect fit for his movie, but what he doesn’t know is that she’s more perfect than he thought. She’s a witch. Chaos ensues. There’s a good chance that I may have gotten the plot totally wrong, but I figure I’m not getting paid for this. I do it to look busy when I should be typing orders. Just kidding management! No need to follow up on that. Seriously, please don’t.

****Spoiler Alert********
This portion of the review is meant to prophetically ruin the ending to the movie.

Darrin will fall in love with Samantha. The two of them will have a child named Tabitha, who, years later, will be a guest on Dr. Phil to reveal all of her family’s secrets. With Samantha and Darrin present, Tabitha will shock the viewing audience by confirming rumors that she is pregnant with Harry Potter’s baby. Dr. Phil will tell Samantha her antics early on in her daughter’s life were the direct cause of her teenage daughter’s choices. With a tinkle of her nose, the perturbed Samantha will turn Dr Phil into Oprah’s friend Gail. The End.

Preview Rating: 2 (stars less than an ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ remake)
In theaters: June 24th