Capitalism: A Love Story

For the sake of full disclosure I must admit that I believe Michael Moore to be a buffoon and that I have not seen all of his previews. The trailer for his latest, Capitalism: A Love Story, is rather blah as movie trailers go. With comedies you usually get at least one Laugh Out Loud, horror flicks some sort of a shock, with chick flicks an Awwww or super thriller that "I gotta see that" special effect. I guess documentaries are different they should inspire introspection and thoughtfulness. I get the impression from this trailer that Moore is shooting for introspection and LOLs.

In typical fashion, from what I understand from the few trailers of his films that I have seen, Moore shows up at whatever evil empire's headquarters he's pointing his camera at and then tries to make the people at the front desks look incompetent while trying to get an audience with the executive. Then he takes his camera to the streets where he interviews everyday Americans about the evils of capitalism, the need for the 'have nots' to take from the 'haves'. Interspersed are clips of police in riot gear. I have no idea what he's implying.

*** Spoiler Alert ***

This is a subjective spoiler alert. If you are someone who believes that the nation would be better if wealth were shared then you'll be on pins and needles anticipating what genius idea Moore will provide. Will he incite revolution or incite blind loyalty to a certain political party?

If you truly love capitalism, not investment banking but an economic system based on private property ownership and the honoring of contracts, then this preview will not surprise you at all.

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

There are not words to express the elation I felt when I first saw the GI Joe Rise of Cobra trailer. From my earliest memories of playing with the original 12" action figures (not dolls) to owning almost every 3.25" action figure and a majoritiy of the vehicles the GI Joe trailer was the culminaiton of a lifetimes expectation. The real American hero cartoon, while entertaining, was ultimately a disappointment. The Marvel comic was an adequate distraction from the dismay that those characters may never come to life on the big screen. But then came the 2009 Super Bowl when the first commercial aired and a dream was realized.

This preview is excellent with General Hawk's voice providing the narration while those familiar characters sprint, vault, plummet and saunter across the screen. Obviously Snake Eyes, the badddest Joe of them all, Duke (probably), Roadblock (the guy with the big machine gun), Scarlet (she's got long red hair, it has to be her) and a bunch of other Joes take on the Baroness and Storm Shadow. There's a suit wearing bad guy who could be Cobra Commander or Destro. Both of those guys both wore masks so I'm not sure who this leader is.

************* Spoiler Alert *************

If you haven't seen this preview yet and don't want to know how it ends then you should skip the next paragraph

The trailer begins with Cobra launching missiles from a secret base at land marks around the world. A missile strikes the Eiffel Tower and immediatedly a green cloud starts eating it causing it to collapse. Then enters General Hawk describing the team. Two of its members are given super suits which allow them to dodge missiles like Ironhide in the first Transformers movie. We see Snake Eyes jumping from several exploding vehicles. In a really cool scene the green fog eats a jet as the pilot ejects. Every scene is awesome, even the ones where the characters are just sitting there looking concerned.

This preview is rated G for GI Joe and may become the standard by which I judge all other action movie trailers.

Ice: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

Previews involving Skrat the prehistoric squirrel can only mean one more thing, you've already seen the best part of the actual movie. Unfortunately for you fellow parental types, this only means the addition of another mildly amusing animated movie to the movie night playlist. In the Dawn of the Dinosaurs theatrical trailer we find Manny, Sid and Diego accompanied by Ellie in another Ice Age adventure. From my estimations this trio should be, according to common scientific standards, 67.9 million years old considering that they encounter a T-rex in this trailer, which lived 68 million years ago, a Neanderthal family in the first movie, 35,000 years ago, and Noah's Ark, 7,000 years ago. (Ironically, this series holds more closely to the Biblical account of creation with the trio encountering dinosaurs, cave men and Noah all in a standard lifetime.)

This trailer was very entertaining. I found myself snickering at the jokes, Skrat's misfortunes and sight gags. It does not leave me with an overwhelming desire to pay $5.75 (matinee-I'm a cheap skate) to see the entire movie. My younger daughter enjoys the commercials and when it's her date night we will probably end up in a theater next to where Transformers 2 is showing watching IA3.

*** Spoiler Alert ***

If you don't want this trailer ruined do not continue reading!

Manny, Moe and Jack, I mean Manny, Sid and Diego, go on a journey to the center of the earth where they find the great valley and of course encounter dinosaurs. They are chased by the T-Rex, Will Ferrill LOL style. Sid becomes the surrogate mother of the T-rex's hatched eggs and tries to milk a yak. I almost laughed out loud at the last Skrat bit where he again, gasp, looses his acorn. Ray Romano is perfect as the whiney Mammoth and Queen Latifah's attitude is a great contrast even though her "Talk to the trunk" line was lame.

Rating: G for Great, another movie I'll have to watch at least three times a year until my grandkids are grown.

Land of the Lost

Land of the Lost is a sci-fi comedy. It's a movie genre which has seen the likes of huge giants in the past including Men in Black, Short Circuit, and The Matrix Revolutions. Like its predecessors, Land of the Lost is a marvel with special effects only lacking in comparison to the groundbreaking fx genius of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. While Will Ferrell might not have the impeccable timing of Rick Moranis himself, Land could be the breakout blockbuster that sci-fi comedy fans have been craving ever since Tim Allen's Galaxy Quest broke their hearts.

Land's trailer is filled with all the necessary goodies for any Space Balls fan including, but not limited to, time and space travel, a T-Rex, rubbery lizard lads, a monkey man, and a campfire banjo tune. Even more than all of these fascinating points of interest, the creators of Land have filmed a scene that this preview reviewer hopes will become a mainstay ingredient in all sci-fi comedy flicks. The scene occurs just a few moments into the trailer. Ferrell's character is being interviewed by Matt Lauer and then all of a sudden Ferrell attacks Lauer. We watch as he cowers away most likely searching out his mommy Meredith Vereira. This scene spoke volumes to me. It's quite a moment when art imitates life.

More than Land of the Lost being just a sci-fi comedy, I believe the movie serves as a much more profound and reaffirming statement - We are not in that much of a recession! One hundred million dollars are reported to have been spent in the making. Well worth the money to chase down Lauer and beat some good sense into him, but the fact remains that this country isn't in the financial fix the media would have us to believe. So with that I say 'thank you' Land of the Lost for being brave enough to be a cultural statement and not merely a time travel bio-pic.

**SPOILER ALERT!!**

**This portion of the review is meant to prophetically ruin the ending to this movie. If you want to pay nine dollars to see Will's surgical scar on a 40 foot screen, then stop reading now**

After being chased by that testy T-Rex for nearly 2 hours, Ferrell finally figures out that the only way he can get the dino off his tail is to subside his hunger. In an intense scene with his new lizard pals, Ferrell captures the Today show flunkie and serves him up on a silver dino-platter but, as it turns out, the monster doesn't want anything to do with him either.

Preview Rating: 4 (my girl Katie Couric)
In Theaters: June 5th

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

I recommend Star Trek because it has the previously reviewed Terminator trailer and the new Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen trailer. Star Trek is also worth watching after these previews are over. From the Transformers 2 trailer we find out that Sam goes off to college where his brain downloads the Transformers' secrets, Chuck style and he starts finding Kryptonian, I mean Cybertronian script all over the planet. Apparently Starscream returns with reinforcements including a Decepticon that skates through the city Apolo Anton Ohno style and what looked like the Constructicons who merge into Devastator. Megatron is rescued from the bottom of the ocean (Why didn't they just freeze him at the North Pole again?) Optimus Prime is briefly seen fighting with glowing blades protruding from his arms.

**********************Spoiler Alert******************** Do not read this section if you do not want the preview ruined for you!

From a couple of Sam's reactions we must assume that Optimus Prime and Bumble Bee don't make it.

All of the major human characters return in the preview so fans of the Wetwicki's can now exhale. Toy collectors, you're in trouble because the Transformer cast appears to have grown significantly.

Preview Rating: PG for pretty good. Would've been G for great except for a totally unecessary, gratuitous shot of Sam's girlfriend.

In Theaters: June 24th

Terminator: Salvation

My initial impression of the preview for Terminator: Salvation was that it would be Bruce Wayne vs the Decepticons. I fully expected a cigar chomping, apocalyptic Matthew McConaughey character to show up & show Christian Bales' character how to slay the machines. Sorry ladies, that didn't happen. Instead we are treated with a few special effects heavy scenes, the coolest is with another Bat-Cycle spinning to dodge debris, and a little story line.

************** Spoiler Alert *******************
If you don't want to have the preview's plot ruined for you then skip the next sentence, which I have placed in parenthesis for your convenience. (Apparently the Decepticons, I mean Skynet, are taking live humans for something, then a humanoid Terminator shows up thinking that it is a real live person) *******************************

This Terminator like its predecessor, Arnold, becomes an ally to the humans, no spoiler there if you've seen any of the other movies. The preview, like any good preview, leaves unanswered questions like do the humans win, do the Terminators invent time travel in this movie and when does the Schwarzenator show up?

Preview Rating: PG for pretty good. I'd be early to a movie to see it again.

In Theaters: May 27th