The Smurfs Rise

Just like this blog, the Smurfs are back baybee!
Just like all the kids in America have been waiting for this sequel, you've been waiting for more Preview Reviews.
Just like the last two sentences began...

I had to look the Smurfs 2 preview up on line because I haven't seen it in any theaters.  This may be the first that you're learning about this movie and just now are realizing that your kids are probably going to get a Smurf themed kids meal somewhere and start begging to be taken to this cinematic delight.
A lot of part live action, part computer animated movies are entertaining to us parents too, and if this preview is any indication; Smurfs 2 ain't one of them.
If like me you thought there wasn't enough Gargamel in the first Smurfs tilt, you will be rewarded in the Smurfs 2 preview.  He's running around like General Stryker from the X-Men gave Harry Potters powers to Mr. Bean.
He's created Bizzaro Smurfs who are grey & he spends the whole preview trying to trick Smurfette into telling them the secret to turning blue.

***Spoiler Alert***
Envy or holding one's breath for a long time cause blueness.  Duh.

I give this Preview the Deuces
As in throwing them up when it starts for one last potty break before the feature starts.

Finally, I've been waiting years for this preview. I can still remember the static ridden beep followed by "Houston, we have a problem" that was the greatness of Apollo 13. It took several years, but finally the sequel has arrived.


The preview begins with a bit of subterfuge with the tag line, "Officially Apollo 17 was NASA's final manned mission to the moon." So, I'm thinking Apollo 18 is going to be a spy movie, but no we find out that it's a documentary. Now I'm thinking great, best case scenario Michael Scott and Ricky Gervais are the astronauts, or worse case; Michael Moore's going to be running around Houston harassing rocket scientists about whether or not the moon landings were faked.


Much to my relief an intriguing development occurs. This is lost footage. First person lost footage. Now we're talking. This film is by Dimension Horror. It's not a sequel to Apollo 13, it's a prequel to the Blair Witch project. Everything is there, the "What was that?" noises and motion at the periphery of the shot. There are even footprints in the dust. I expected for the preview to end with an astronaut standing in the corner.


This preview is suspenseful. It poses a lot of questions about the movie, but doesn't answer any of them. There's even a Screamer (the sci-fi movie, not Scream)



I give this preview a full moon.

Captain America: The First Avenger Preview

I don't review movies here so I won't talk about Captain America, unless of course it was a two hour Avengers preview! Admit it, it sorta was.

Who doesn't sit through all of the credits to see the postview of whatever Marvel movie they've just watched? Not me. I even went cross eyed trying to read who all the stunt persons were. Then it came, what I'd subconsciously waited for through the whole movie-the last scene.

The other scenes in the Iron Man movies & Thor stand alone with a heavy dose of foreshadowing, but Cap's scene pretty much devolves into an Avengers Preview. It goes from Col. Fury talking to Capt. Rogers in a cliche'd boxing gym to the Avengers commercial that will probably run during the Super Bowl. I'll review the actual trailer later and will only say this about it now.

Isn't the Hulk in the Avengers?

Apes Will Rise

The preview for Rise of the Planet of the Apes totally ruins the climactic and shocking ending of the Charlton Heston cult classic, Planet of the Apes. If you haven't seen it, you need to watch it before viewing this preview; or before reading the next sentance.

*** Spoiler Alert! ***

In the first scene of this preview we are exposed to two shocking revelations; the first is that the Planet of the Apes is in fact the Earth and the second is that James Franco plays a character that cures Alzheimer's and trains a monkey.

I'm sorry, but I must indulge in a brief rant. Don't a lot of people believe that apes started walking around on their hind legs, then lost that awesome opposing digit on their feet that the Beast from X-Men First Class had, and then started wearing clothes? So; in effect, haven't the Apes already risen? This move should be titled Planet of the Apes with the tag line, Apes will Rise-Again.

Anyway, back to the preview. We quickly learn that a drug tested on Caesar, a chimpanzee, is the cure for Azheimers; however it also makes Caesar smarter than James Franco. The chimp is separated from his family by a bunch of Mageirocophobiacs (people with fear of monkeys). Caesar then causes monkey mayhem. The action hinted at is probalby worth a matinee movie ticket. The effects were done by the same folks who did Avatar. Unfortunately I didn't see any glowing trees or blue gorillas in the preview; maybe they're in the full length movie.

I would love to give this preview two opposing thumbs up, but I can't based on the fact that Franco is seen too much to maintain credibility as a scientist. Secondly, how many times does some awesome cure for a major disease or some awesome global military defense computer have to be the cause of mankinds demise? I think they should have called the film, Ape is Legend or Terminator 5: Rise of the Apes. And it leaves one major question unanswered, where does Mark Wahlberg fit?

Yes, this may be the best marriage proposal ever; however it might also be the worst thing for movie previews ever as well.



Thank you Mr. Cavanaugh first for making my proposal woefully inadequate and second for creating unbelievably high expectations for single guys looking to enjoy a movie with a single gal. Now, if the couple is at that stage of their relationship the lovely ladies will all be expecting something like this while the guy is just getting hyped about the next comic book movie adaptation. I can see it now, he leans over and whispers softly in her ear, "I know what we're doing June 17th" at that moment a tear forms in her eye and he has no idea why.
I got to hand it to you Mr. Cavanaugh, or should I say Mr. New York 2007, the movie trailer was awesome. I'd like to see that film, Jason Bourne meets any Hugh Grant character.

My advice guys, just check out the previews on your phones and go to the concession stand to buy your lady something special until the opening credits roll.

Capitalism: A Love Story

For the sake of full disclosure I must admit that I believe Michael Moore to be a buffoon and that I have not seen all of his previews. The trailer for his latest, Capitalism: A Love Story, is rather blah as movie trailers go. With comedies you usually get at least one Laugh Out Loud, horror flicks some sort of a shock, with chick flicks an Awwww or super thriller that "I gotta see that" special effect. I guess documentaries are different they should inspire introspection and thoughtfulness. I get the impression from this trailer that Moore is shooting for introspection and LOLs.

In typical fashion, from what I understand from the few trailers of his films that I have seen, Moore shows up at whatever evil empire's headquarters he's pointing his camera at and then tries to make the people at the front desks look incompetent while trying to get an audience with the executive. Then he takes his camera to the streets where he interviews everyday Americans about the evils of capitalism, the need for the 'have nots' to take from the 'haves'. Interspersed are clips of police in riot gear. I have no idea what he's implying.

*** Spoiler Alert ***

This is a subjective spoiler alert. If you are someone who believes that the nation would be better if wealth were shared then you'll be on pins and needles anticipating what genius idea Moore will provide. Will he incite revolution or incite blind loyalty to a certain political party?

If you truly love capitalism, not investment banking but an economic system based on private property ownership and the honoring of contracts, then this preview will not surprise you at all.

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

There are not words to express the elation I felt when I first saw the GI Joe Rise of Cobra trailer. From my earliest memories of playing with the original 12" action figures (not dolls) to owning almost every 3.25" action figure and a majoritiy of the vehicles the GI Joe trailer was the culminaiton of a lifetimes expectation. The real American hero cartoon, while entertaining, was ultimately a disappointment. The Marvel comic was an adequate distraction from the dismay that those characters may never come to life on the big screen. But then came the 2009 Super Bowl when the first commercial aired and a dream was realized.

This preview is excellent with General Hawk's voice providing the narration while those familiar characters sprint, vault, plummet and saunter across the screen. Obviously Snake Eyes, the badddest Joe of them all, Duke (probably), Roadblock (the guy with the big machine gun), Scarlet (she's got long red hair, it has to be her) and a bunch of other Joes take on the Baroness and Storm Shadow. There's a suit wearing bad guy who could be Cobra Commander or Destro. Both of those guys both wore masks so I'm not sure who this leader is.

************* Spoiler Alert *************

If you haven't seen this preview yet and don't want to know how it ends then you should skip the next paragraph

The trailer begins with Cobra launching missiles from a secret base at land marks around the world. A missile strikes the Eiffel Tower and immediatedly a green cloud starts eating it causing it to collapse. Then enters General Hawk describing the team. Two of its members are given super suits which allow them to dodge missiles like Ironhide in the first Transformers movie. We see Snake Eyes jumping from several exploding vehicles. In a really cool scene the green fog eats a jet as the pilot ejects. Every scene is awesome, even the ones where the characters are just sitting there looking concerned.

This preview is rated G for GI Joe and may become the standard by which I judge all other action movie trailers.